Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Relationships That Make Us


When I was in 8th grade, I was invited by this church to begin a confirmation class.
As part of this class I was assigned a mentor, John Luther, who I would meet with on a regular basis and talk with about life and the gospel of Mark, which everyone in the class was required to read and reflect on.
I don’t remember much of the what of our conversations.
But I do remember the where and the how.
Meaning – I don’t remember exactly what we talked about – though I imagine there was some part that had to do with the gospel of Mark – some part that had to do with oldies on the radio no doubt
But I do remember that we had conversations about the spiritual life while milking cows.
And I’ll never forget learning how to milk a cow during the first meeting.
I’m not sure if this is a standard practice for teaching someone how to milk,
But as I was leaning in to see just what John was doing with his hand so I could imitate it
John turned the spray in my direction and laughed as I jumped back with surprise.
As I said I don’t remember all of the specific content of what we talked about – this was 14 years ago. 
But I do remember learning that the barn is as good a place as any – and possibly better!
To talk about faith.

I remember learning to respect someone who I had seen in church and in the community and now saw at work and heard talk about his own thoughts about God.

It was the beginning of a relationship which has continued to the present day –
I was reminded of that confirmation experience this week when I visited the barn and had a good long chat with John while he was milking.

I think this is how I’ve grown in my spiritual life, in my faith.
It has not been mostly in my personal research or study or attempts at a disciplined regimen of individual spiritual exercises –
It has by far been through relationships with people in my community who have shared their experiences along the road.

Some of these have been really healthy and enriching relationships – and I count the dairy farmer among those.
And some of these have been not as healthy, sometimes downright unhealthy.

This is the one of the uncertainties of becoming a part of a spiritual community –
I learn through interacting with and observing and imitating those people I come to respect.

And I thank God for putting people in my life who have shown me grace and wisdom and unconditional love – because there have been others who have taught me the way of perfectionism or performance-acceptance.

At other times in my younger life and into college I found myself under the influence of people who, though they would never claim this themselves, practically functioned as though God were a perfectionist overlord whom I could never please and it was only through continually acknowledging my incompetence and miserable failures that I could experience God’s mercy.

God was less of a loving parent and more of an exacting sovereign who simply could not accept me for who I am, and had to look away as he allowed me to come into God’s family.

The problem is that you can read the scriptures to justify such a view and once you’ve bought into certain key premises, the scriptures become a poisoned well at which we drink and become sick with anxiety or fear, motivating us to anxious spiritual practice in order to maintain favor of God and community. 

Especially when you begin to realize that you cannot believe the things that they said God wants you to believe.  Then you realize that you are not only out of God’s favor, but also outside of their favor too.

Legalism, perfectionism – it has left a huge scar that I carry with me.

And it wasn’t some isolated sense of the rightness of the beliefs that carried me into the legalistic community.  It was my relationship with peers and teachers in that community that made me love them and consequently love the certainty with which they understood the world and the conviction and purpose with which they lived.  I still love these people, but I can no longer live or believe as they live or believe – I “have not so learned Christ.”

It is through relationships in community that we grow and learn – and sometimes that is a very positive experience, but sometimes for me that has been a harmful experience.

But I also know that it’s not just been my own experience. 
I was listening to a radio broadcast by Krista Tippett interviewing Scott Atran, a social scientist who has done extensive work on the subject of the creation of terrorist communities.

What he said was surprising but after I thought about it made complete sense to me.

He was talking about what the greatest predictor is for someone becoming a terrorist, willing to do extreme acts of violence for a cause.  We often think it has something to do with religious belief.

But he said in his research and field observation he has found that it’s “not religious inculcation, …it's not religious training, …it's not even religious tradition, what could it possibly be? And again, it's first of all who your friends are. That's the greatest predictor of everything.”

I encourage you to listen to or read the transcript of the interview on the internet – I can give you the address after the service.

What is it that inspires us to do the greatest acts of love or the greatest acts of hatred?
It can’t be the whole answer, but a really big part of it is who our friends are – what community we take part in.

And this is because we grow and become who we are by admiration of and imitation of those people we love, inspired by those things we love about them.

This is the way that the faith of Christ grew in the time of the early church.

In Paul’s letter to the Thessalonian church he writes about who thankful he is for their example to him and to other communities around them, their “work of faith,” their “labor of love,” and their “steadfastness of hope” (1:3)

With appreciation he recalls what he remembers of their journey of faith as a community:  “you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for in spite of persecution you received the word with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but in every place your faith in God has become known.” (1:6-8a)

It was to such an extent that the early Christian writer Tertullian wrote that Romans who may have otherwise dismissed this weird religious group, would still remark, “Behold how they love one another!”

God’s grace transforms communities through the relationships of respect and mutual care that are created and sustained over time.  In worship, in fellowship, in dairy barns, at one another’s homes, at the Transfer station, over coffee at a café.

As we talk with one another, as we walk with one another – we provide opportunity for each other to grow in our understanding and practice of the way of Christ.

As the proverb puts it, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another.”

I encourage you to look around this room and behold the relationships there are which can provide wisdom and insight, and most of all example of living well and loving God and neighbor.

And consider others in your life who have been this for you – and value them, appreciate them and remember what you have learned from them.

Because we’re not in this alone. 

As we read in Ephesians 2:19 and 20:
“So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are citizens with the saints and also members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the cornerstone.”

In the way of Christ we are set free from the fear of judgment and are given the opportunity to learn the way of grace, realizing despite all of the messages we hear through the media, that we are no longer strangers and aliens, but sisters and brothers, members of the household of God. 

Let us live into this beloved community and may the relationships which gives us greater awareness of God’s grace and wisdom – create a place which manifests God’s welcome to weary and beat-down legalists like I once was.

Because when I returned to this church after years of being away,
I felt like I had rediscovered my spiritual home.
And for that welcome and that care I am forever grateful.

Amen.


No comments:

Post a Comment